A return to form

19Aug11

“Do you keep a Journal? Because Joel, I find that, when I have too much to think about–too much on my plate–writing all of my thoughts down really helps me.”

Helps you in what sense, I wonder? You never say.

Trial and error and wonder and awe. Practice and perfect and flaws. I want to capture these. I want to cage these. I no longer desire to see them on display, aesthetically pleasing, even in chains. I want to tie them down and study them. I want to stare at them until, embarrassed, they avert my gaze. To see magnificence stripped of its glamour, shaking, as if an apologetic shrug could atone for all of the uncertainty. Naked and ashamed, staring longingly after the garments that so enticed its captor, who now looks on with unmasked disdain.

And then, finding my prey of no significance, I will seal that last corner of light. In the dark, with nothing but its own breath for affirmation, magnificence will suffocate.

Do I doubt its demise? Am I so scared to confirm? No…It must have perished…it’s…just…no. No, there is no reason for me to return (i tell myself). And the faint strip, so piercing in the night, crawls purposefully, arm over arm, to ensnare my ankles. The undertow of inevitability.